OFFICE OF REMAINING AFFAIRS • DISTRICT 11 • EST. 1952, MOSTLY • ADHUC HIC (“STILL HERE”)
Office of Remaining Affairs

District 11

Serving a population of zero with distinction since 1994.

Official Bulletin — Desk of the Deputy Sub-Administrator (Acting)

CURRENT DISTRICT STATUS: ROUTINE “Routine is a choice we make daily.” — G.
Population: 0.  Established: 1952.  Dissolved: 1994 (clerical).
Website last updated: Tuesday. It is always Tuesday here.

Staff: Gerald, Deputy Sub-Administrator (Acting). Gerald is here. Gerald is always here.

Welcome to the official website of District 11. If you have arrived here by accident, please be assured that the district extends you its full administrative hospitality, which is this paragraph.

Public Notices

NOTICE №11-031

Founders’ Day Parade — Canceled

The Founders’ Day Parade is canceled for the 31st consecutive year, as the district does not exist. Route unchanged. Attendance last year was strong (0) and we hope to match it.

NOTICE №11-044

Office Hours

Monday–Friday, 9:00–5:00. Office location: pending litigation. Knock anyway. Gerald will hear it. Gerald hears everything, which is one of the quieter aspects of the job.

NOTICE №11-047

Lights in the Sky

Lights in the sky are not district business. Sky inquiries should be directed to our colleagues at tnkr.fun, who seem excited about that sort of thing. The district maintains no opinion on the sky, in accordance with policy.

Permit Counter — Queue Status

Now Serving
B-047
Your Number
B-∞
Estimated Wait
39 years (est.)

Thank you for waiting. Waiting is a service we provide.

Form B-11 — Request for Acknowledgment of Existence

Processing time: ongoing. Please complete all fields, or don’t. Historically it has not mattered.

This form is processed locally, immediately, and unfavorably. No information leaves this page. The district lacks the infrastructure, and frankly the nerve.

Minutes of the Council

412th Ordinary Session — Tuesday
Agenda item 3: the humming from the sub-basement. Motion to continue not hearing it. Carried 1–0 (Gerald). No abstentions. There is no one to abstain.
413th Ordinary Session — also Tuesday
Agenda item 1: approval of the minutes of the 412th session. Approved, warmly. Agenda item 2: motion to adjourn. Denied. There is nowhere to go.

Petition to Re-Establish District 11

Signatures are collected on an ongoing basis and reviewed never. Your support is noted, laminated, and treasured.

Signatures: 1 (Gerald)

Contact & Frequently Asked Questions

Q: Is this District 11?
A: Legally, no.

Q: Was it ever?
A: Briefly, and beautifully.

Q: I was looking for a different website.
A: Everyone is. Stay a moment anyway.

Telephone: unplugged (the ringing was ominous).
Correspondence: mail is checked on Tuesdays. It is always Tuesday, and yet, no mail.

Interoffice Memo